Photocopy A Light Switch
You don't want to eat a doorknob
Or paint your toenails blue
You don't have to act like a tortoise
This is what you do
Woo woo woo woo!
Photocopy a light switch
Go on, just for fun
Photocopy a light switch
Even though it's no use to anyone
When you want to suck the ceiling
Rub a cupcake on the floor
There's no point in combing a deckchair
I've tried it before
It can get sore!
Photocopy a light switch
Go on, just for fun
Photocopy a light switch
Even though it's no use to anyone
<instrumental break>
This is what you do
I'll test it out for you
This is what you do
Let's go cuckoo!
Photocopy a light switch
Go on, just for fun
Photocopy a light switch
Even though it's no use to anyone
Photocopy a light switch
Go on, just for fun
Photocopy a light switch
Even though it's no use to anyone
Studying Your Big Toe
Never mind the cornflakes
Come and stand by the door
You'll never believe what I've just seen
I've come face to face with a vinyl floor
I never knew that there would be
Such a big opportunity
So come with me and we will go
To study our big toes
Studying your big toe
Studying your big toe
Now is the time to learn a lesson
And I hope that you will learn with me too
I'm going to try to fry a door handle
When the vacuum cleaner comes I'll be waiting for you
I never knew that there would be
Such a big opportunity
So come with me and we will go
To study our big toes
Studying your big toe
Studying your big toe
<instrumental break>
Never mind the cornflakes
Come and stand by the door
You'll never believe what I've just seen
You'll be coming back for more
'Cos it's a vinyl floor
I never knew that there would be
Such a big opportunity
So come with me and we will go
To study our big toes
Studying your big toe
Yes, we'll be studying your big toe
It may seem obscene
But it's better than studying a tin of baked beans
Lettuce Called Felicity
Do you think that my goose is cooked?
It's been giving me funny looks
I should have known it some time ago
My pressure cooker is far too slow
And if I was up a tree
I'd be a non-entity
And I'd leave my flannel in the bath
I've began to see
A lettuce called Felicity
And it's walking up the garden path
I explained to you yesterday
There's not a lot that my goose can say
When I taught him the alphabet
He giggled and made the carpet wet
And if I was up a tree
I'd be a non-entity
And I'd leave my flannel in the bath
I've began to see
A lettuce called Felicity
And it's walking up the garden path
Do you think that my goose is cooked?
He giggled and made the carpet wet
Do you think that my goose is cooked?
Doesn't he make such a lovely pet?
Do you think that my goose is cooked?
He giggled and made the carpet wet
Do you think that my goose is cooked?
Doesn't he make such a lovely pet?
And if I was up a tree
I'd be a non-entity
And I'd leave my flannel in the bath
I've began to see
A lettuce called Felicity
And it's walking up the garden path
My goose and
A lettuce
My goose and
A lettuce
My goose and
A lettuce
And the carpet's still wet
Textile Traffic
You're going to do your shopping and you've got a nervous twitch
All because the instant coffee's bound to make you itch
Take a look around you, see what goodness you can do
All you need's a bottle and a tube of superglue
And you go passing the textile traffic
What's the matter with you?
And the world's in a panic
Yeah, and the textile traffic is too
All the world's a gooseberry and you can't deny that's true
Go test drive a TV and then eat it with one chew
You never have to understand what someone has just said
Just buy a tin of peaches and then stick it on their head
And you go passing the textile traffic
What's the matter with you?
And the world's in a panic
Yeah, and the textile traffic is too
<instrumental break>
When everybody else is making new discoveries
The least that you can do is go and buy a pack of peas
If you don't like the idea then I suggest then please
Do the simple, quick alternative; eat a block of cheese
And you go passing the textile traffic
What's the matter with you?
And the world's in a panic
Yeah, and the textile traffic is too
What's the matter with you?
Oh, and the textile traffic is too
What's the matter with you?
Oh, and the textile traffic is too
And you go passing the textile traffic
What's the matter with you?
And the world's in a panic
Yeah, and the textile traffic is too
And you go passing the textile traffic
What's the matter with you?
And the world's in a panic
Yeah, and the textile traffic is too
Was it the Wardrobe You Wanted?
Here it is and here we go
I once met a melon called Flo
The dishcloth's moving rather slow
Does it show?
I don't know but I can't see it somehow
Was it the wardrobe you wanted?
I've thought hard, and I'd like to see your fridges
Was it the wardrobe you wanted?
Count the corkscrews in one carton
In the end you just don't know
Now the dishcloth's all disheartened
Watch the show
I don't know but I can't see it somehow
Was it the wardrobe you wanted?
I've thought hard, and I'd like to see your fridges
Was it the wardrobe you wanted?
<instrumental break>
I don't know (don't know) but I can't see it somehow (somehow)
Was it the wardrobe you wanted? (you wanted)
I've thought hard (thought hard), and I'd like to see your fridges (your fridges)
Was it the wardrobe you wanted? (you wanted)
I don't know (don't know) but I can't see it somehow (somehow)
Was it the wardrobe you wanted? (you wanted)
I've thought hard (thought hard), and I'd like to see your fridges (fridges)
Was it the wardrobe you wanted? (you wanted)
I want to know
Was it the wardrobe
Does it show
Was it the wardrobe
I want to know
Was it dropped from a 10 foot building in Torquay?
Let's see...
X-Ray Grass
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
My x-ray grass is so cool
it even grows in a swimming pool
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
My x-ray grass is so cool
It even grows in Liverpool
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
My x-ray grass will make you stick and stare
it grows everywhere
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
<instrumental break>
It's my x-ray grass
My x-ray grass is so cool
it even grows in a swimming pool
It's my x-ray grass
My x-ray grass is so cool
It even grows in Liverpool
It's my x-ray grass
My x-ray grass will make you stick and stare
It grows everywhere
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
It's my x-ray grass
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